All About Football Jokes
Referee's daughter
Did you hear about the England international player who had a date with a referee's daughter?
She penalised him three limes - for handling, interference and trying to pull off a jersey.
Heavy rain
match between two non-League teams took place last winter in the North of England. It had been raining heavily all week and the ground resembled a swamp.
However, the referee ruled that play was possible and tossed the coin to determine ends.
The visiting captain won the toss and, after a moment's thought, said, 'OK - we'll take the shallow end!'
Managers
striker: "I had an open goal but still I didn't score. I could kick myself."
Manager: "I wouldn't bother. You'd probably miss."
Man UTD
How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
Depends how thin you slice them.
Chelsea What do you get when you cross a Chelsea Fan with a pig?
I don't know, there are some things a pig just won't do.
Liverpool
How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?
Yeah, as if they have electricity in Liverpool...
Did you hear about the England international player who had a date with a referee's daughter?
She penalised him three limes - for handling, interference and trying to pull off a jersey.
Heavy rain
match between two non-League teams took place last winter in the North of England. It had been raining heavily all week and the ground resembled a swamp.
However, the referee ruled that play was possible and tossed the coin to determine ends.
The visiting captain won the toss and, after a moment's thought, said, 'OK - we'll take the shallow end!'
Managers
striker: "I had an open goal but still I didn't score. I could kick myself."
Manager: "I wouldn't bother. You'd probably miss."
Man UTD
How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
Depends how thin you slice them.
Chelsea What do you get when you cross a Chelsea Fan with a pig?
I don't know, there are some things a pig just won't do.
Liverpool
How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?
Yeah, as if they have electricity in Liverpool...
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